


What You Are, What I Am

by seekingsquake



Series: My Family, My Friends [2]
Category: She-Hulk, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, self doubt, taking care of friends and family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3578340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingsquake/pseuds/seekingsquake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Jen's Hulk is still Jen, then who the hell is Bruce?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Are, What I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Jen experiences the shittier aspects of hulkdom & stays pretty upbeat, but Bruce is his normal this-is-all-my-fault self but up to 11. But no avoident!Bruce. He wants to make it as painless for her as he can & she want him here, so he stays, even though it's killing him inside.
> 
> All characters are property of Marvel.  
> Please do not repost or reupload this piece anywhere without consent. If you ask, I'm sure we can work something out :]

The first time it happens is over dinner with Bruce and the Avengers. She doesn’t remember how it came up, but Natasha and Tony had started talking about General Ross, and it had set Bruce off, even though he tried to hide it. He was clenching his fists and his lips were drawn tight, and she just got so angry because these people were supposed to be his team, his friends, and yet they couldn’t see how upset they were making him. And that anger just grew and grew until it felt like it was swallowing her, and then there was immense pain in her extremities. 

Everything sounded like it was underwater and her vision was blurry, but she could just make out Bruce hovering in front of her face, could just manage to make out his words through the muffled noise of everything else. 

"C’mon Jenny breathe. Breathe with me okay? Everything’s okay, just take a deep breath. You’re okay. You’re okay, just focus on me. Just breathe."

She follows his instructions and finally everything snaps back into focus. “What happened?” she asked, and was startled by how tired her voice sounded.

Bruce doesn’t say anything, just squeezes her hand and looks at her so apologetically that it hurts. It’s Barton that says, “You went green there for a second. Thought we were gonna have a problem. Doc talked ya down.”

She sucks in a shuddery breath and closes her eyes against sudden tears. She went green. At least now she knows for sure.

* * *

They’re sitting together on the floor of the gym, cross legged and facing each other. He’s trying to help her how to learn control, so he walks her through breathing exercises and teaches her about compartmentalization, then says any and every hurtful thing he can come up with while he monitors her vitals and gamma levels on his tablet. She’s doing well; she’s fallen into a meditative state all on her own and nothing seems to be bothering her, and then he says, “I should have just let you die.”

He doesn’t mean it. He knows he doesn’t mean it, she knows he doesn’t mean it, and he didn’t want to say it but it she was being tested. The effect is almost immediate. Her skin pulses green, and her body starts to change, and her face is twisted in pain. He’s never seen the change up close like this before, and he never wants to see it again. Never wants to be the cause of it. He tries to talk her down but it’s too late and he can’t let her lose full control. He doesn’t really have time to feel fear. He just moves.

He crawls around behind her, then grabs her by her ever shifting arms and pulls her against him, pressing her back against his chest, one arm wrapped around her and his free hand holding her hair out of her face. “You can control this,” he says to her, fighting to keep his voice even. “You can stop this. Breathe with me. Lock that anger down inside you and breathe it out. You’re better than this.” He can’t apologize, can’t try to soothe her. He can only try to help her expel her anger before it reaches the breaking point. His arms tighten further around her so that she can feel the rhythm of his breath, and then she’s imitating him, and then she slumps, still little and flesh toned and human. 

Her hands are trembling. He feels a couple tears drop onto his arm. He wants to tell her he’s sorry, but he doesn’t want to upset her further. Instead he says, “I’m proud of you, Kiddo,” and her sob almost sounds like a laugh.

* * *

They’ve spent months working on her control. Her green beast hasn’t exploded forth from her yet, and Thor and Steve have decided that they should probably invite it out before it decides to come out by force.

"Thor can fight your Hulk," Steve says to Bruce seriously, but a muscle in his jaw twitches, betraying how nervous he is. "So he can probably fight hers. We should see what we’re dealing with in a controlled environment, don’t you think?"

And he agrees. He does. It’s just that… She’s his baby cousin. She’s his only family. And the transformation is so painful, and to lose chunks of time to a beast inside of you is scary and what if hers is different? What if they can’t fight it? What if it doesn’t want to give Jen back? Yes, Steve’s right. But that doesn’t mean Bruce has to like it.

* * *

Jennifer’s green beast isn’t a beast at all. Jennifer’s transformation makes her tall and strong and green, and a little more impatient than usual, but leaves her as Jennifer. Her and Thor are sparring, and it’s a pretty even match. And she’s in control. Her voice is a little deeper than usual but she’s still talking in full sentences, still making use of her extensive vocabulary, still sounding like Jennifer. 

Bruce monitors them for eleven sparring sessions before he can’t sit through the twelfth, leaving his tablet behind and locking himself in the nearest bathroom. He breathes deeply, walks himself through a couple relaxation techniques, and stares at himself hard in the mirror.

He should be happy for her.

But he can’t be.

* * *

He’s been working non-stop since the blood transfusion, trying to find a way to get the gamma out of her system. He hasn’t been in the lab much because he wants to be there for her, because he wants to observe everything first hand, but his tablet is never far away. He’s always running simulations and testing theories. He hasn’t slept very well since it happened, hasn’t been interested in eating, and if he’s not working on the science aspect of things then he’s trying to help her adjust.

She asks him one evening over wine, “What do you use to make the transformations less painful? I’ve got these bone deep aches that I just can’t get rid of, and nothing I’ve tried helps.”

And the hatred he feel coursing through him almost chokes him before he can answer, “Nothing works for me. But you’re metabolizing slower than I am, there’s less gamma in your blood, and your change is less dramatic than mine, so I might be able to make you a painkiller that’ll be strong enough.”

She studies him for a moment before saying, “So you hurt like this all the time?”

"I feel it for a week or two after a transformation. Generally, I try not to change. That’s the only thing that works."

He doesn’t think about the fact that the last time he had an episode in the tower the lab needed to be entirely replaced. He doesn’t think about the fact that she changes every couple of days, that she trains in that state in the gym, and that she’s only busted one door and dented a couple of walls. He doesn’t think about anything.

He can’t. 

He needs to stay calm.

* * *

He hasn’t slept in nearly six days when she comes up from the gym with Thor and Steve and he greets her with, “I think I’ve found a way to fix you.”

Her laughter dies in her throat and both Steve and Thor look contemplative and uncomfortable. “Sorry, what?”

"I think I’ve found a way to fix you." He looks haggard and he sounds like he’s trying to be excited but is too exhausted to pull it off. "I’ve got a serum, and I think it will be strong enough to cancel out the gamma in your system without harming you in any way. I’m going to need another blood sample from you, though, so I can test it more thoroughly before we administer it to you. If you have time, we could—,"

"Bruce." At first she’s angry, but within the next instant she just feels sick with sadness. "Why would you say something like that?"

"What do you mean? If this works the way I think it will, it’ll fix everything and you’ll be back to normal in no time! Isn’t that—,"

She sucks in a ragged breath and makes her way across the room to sit heavily on the couch. “I don’t need fixing,” she says to him, and she’s trying to be gentle but she’s starting to get angry again. “Because I’m not broken. I’m still me.”

Bruce reacts like he’s been slapped in the face, then he nods and his voice is tight when he tells her, “Of course. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

She doesn’t know what it was that she said, but she knows she’s said something wrong. “Maybe if you want to use it though…,”

"It’s not going to work on me." He also sort of sounds like he’s just been slapped in the face. He sounds like he’s fighting for control. His whole body is tight and trembling with tension.

"Bruce…,"

"Stop," he spits at her. "Just stop." And then there are tears streaming down his face, and he’s using his fists to wipe at them, and he looks like he’s going to break apart at any second. He chokes out, "You’re still you. I understand. But what does that make me?"

* * *

"She’ll be more of an asset to the team than I am."

"Bullshit!" Tony shouts. "Bullshit! So She-Hulk is more controlled than Hulk is, big whoop. Jennifer is no genius, Jennifer has no medical experience, and Jennifer doesn’t know six languages or have the ability to make strangers like her instantly. Is there room for her on the team? Sure! We could always use another heavy hitter. But she isn’t more valuable than you are, she isn’t better than you, it doesn’t have to be one or the other, and I don’t give a fuck about who’s the better asset!"

Bruce sobs. He only sobs now because he knows Tony will protect him, will take care of him, and will keep it a secret. He’s just so tired, and he doesn’t think he can do this anymore. “If she’s still her, then I’m still me but I can’t.. Tony I can’t be the same as… I’m not…,” 

Tony pulls him into a tight embrace and just holds on. “It doesn’t matter,” he murmurs into Bruce’s hair. “It doesn’t fucking matter. Because we’re your team whether you’re one guy or two, this is your home whether you’re one guy or two, and you will always have a place here. I don’t give a shit about it, okay? It doesn’t fucking matter. She was exposed to the radiation differently, she was exposed to less of it, and she’s had a safe place to stay and people to help her since the moment it happened. Her Hulk is different than yours. You need to stop thinking that her experience should say anything about yours, because it doesn’t. Okay? Fuck. I’ve got you. You know that, right? I’ve got you. None of that shit matters.”

And Bruce wants to believe him. But all he does is cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by my fandom soulmate, Werevampiwolf.


End file.
